Your Greatest Communication Problem May Not Be What You're Saying
Updated: Oct 7
Why exceptional communication starts long before the words come out of your mouth.
By Tracey McLeod | Founder, Shift 2 Rise
Thirty years in sales and leadership taught me something I wish more people understood:
The best communicator in the room isn't necessarily the person who talks the best. It's often the person who notices the most.
I've watched incredibly polished people lose a room. I've watched people deliver technically perfect presentations that didn't connect. I've seen salespeople keep talking when the customer had mentally left the conversation five minutes earlier.
And I've watched leaders repeat the same message - only louder - because they assumed the problem was that people hadn't heard them.
They heard you. That may not be the problem.
Communication isn't what you say
Communication is what happens between people. And that distinction changes everything.
We tend to prepare communication by asking: What am I going to say?
A stronger question is:
What is happening with the person in front of me?
Are they engaged? Confused? Interested? Uncomfortable? Have they become more animated? Did something change when you mentioned price? Did their energy shift when you discussed a particular opportunity? Did they ask a question that you're answering - or are you answering the question you wanted them to ask?
This is where communication becomes less about performance and more about awareness.
Stop assuming you know what something means
Someone crosses their arms. What does that mean?
They're closed off? Maybe. Or they're cold. They're comfortable. Their shoulder hurts. They always sit that way.
One observable behaviour does not automatically tell us what someone is thinking.
This matters because one of the fastest ways to misunderstand another person is to interpret before we've become curious.
In my NLP training, one of the skills we develop is sensory acuity - in simple terms, increasing your ability to notice observable changes.
Not mind reading. Not assigning meaning to every movement.
Noticing.
Their breathing changed. Their posture shifted. Their facial tension changed. Their pace of speech slowed. Something is different.
Now I have information. And instead of assuming what it means, I can become curious.
That's a very different conversation
Imagine a salesperson presenting an idea. The customer has been engaged, asking questions and leaning into the conversation. Then something changes: shorter answers, less engagement, different posture.
The inexperienced communicator may ignore it and keep moving through the presentation. The skilled communicator notices.
And perhaps says:
Something seems to have shifted for you there. What are you thinking?
Now we're communicating.
The same principle applies to leadership. To coaching. To parenting. To partnerships. To difficult conversations. And yes, to sales.
Your job isn't to communicate the way you like to receive information
This is one of the biggest lessons I've learned from leading and developing people.
We naturally communicate from our own map of the world.
If I like details, I give details. If I want the bottom line, I assume everyone else does too. If public recognition motivates me, I may assume it motivates my team. If I need time to think, I may interpret someone's immediate response as impulsive.
We filter people through ourselves. But effective communication requires flexibility.
The question isn't:
Did I explain it clearly?
It's:
Did this person understand what I intended to communicate?
Those are not the same thing.
Being understood requires being willing to adjust
This is where communication becomes both an art and a skill.
If what you're doing isn't working, change what you're doing.
Ask a different question. Use a different example. Slow down. Stop talking. Get curious. Listen to the actual answer. Check your assumption. Pay attention to the person rather than preparing your next sentence while they're still speaking.
That last one alone could transform a surprising number of conversations.
Leadership amplifies everything
When you're leading people, your communication doesn't end when you've finished speaking.
Your team is interpreting what you say, what you don't say, what you reward, what you tolerate and what you repeatedly do.
Your behaviour communicates. Your consistency communicates. Your questions communicate. How you respond when someone disagrees with you communicates. How you handle pressure communicates. How you make someone feel when they bring you bad news communicates.
That's why communication can't simply be a set of clever phrases. It has to include awareness, adaptability and intention.
The goal isn't manipulation. It's connection.
This distinction matters enormously to me.
Learning advanced communication should not be about discovering ways to trick people into doing what you want. It's about becoming better at understanding the human being in front of you.
When you understand more, you can communicate more precisely. When you communicate more precisely, you reduce unnecessary friction. You ask better questions. You lead better conversations. You create stronger relationships.
And yes - you can become more influential. But influence built on understanding is very different from influence built on pressure.
One creates trust. The other eventually destroys it.
Before your next important conversation, try this
Instead of spending all your preparation time deciding what you're going to say, ask yourself:
Who is the person I'm speaking with?
What matters to them?
What am I noticing?
What am I assuming?
What might I need to change in the way I'm communicating?
Am I actually listening - or am I waiting for my turn to talk?
Communication changes when we stop treating it as something we deliver and start treating it as something we create together.
After decades in sales and leadership, I still believe this: your words matter. Your message matters. Your expertise matters.
But sometimes the most powerful thing you can bring into a conversation isn't another perfectly crafted sentence.
It's your ability to notice.
Because when you learn to see more, hear more and understand more, you give yourself the opportunity to communicate differently. And different communication can create very different results.
Ready to strengthen the way you communicate, influence and lead?
Recognize. Interrupt. Shift. Elevate.
Together We Rise.
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